“What are you hoping will happen as a result of your prayers?”
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How can you become better at prayer?
Someone once said, “We are only as good at prayer as we are at other relationships. To get better at prayer, try working on the key relationships in your life.” They are closely connected.
Take a friendship or even marriage, for example. I would guess that your approach to making the relationship work is not trying to find twenty minutes most mornings, sit in a chair, close our eyes and think heavy thoughts about the other person. We know instinctively that a critical relationship in our life is a matter of the heart, even when we can’t put it into words. The other person (wife or friend) means a lot to me. I’m not just attracted to them, but their desires and dreams are very important to me. And, if this relationship is growing in love, the other is one I want to serve—give of myself for.
Relationships always involve a strong desire to be with the other individual. Relationships fade if we have no continuing interest in spending time with each other or connecting in different ways. Even if our time together is short, we do what we can to feel connected. The closer that relationship is, the stronger our desire for presence is. I might not see my spouse as often as I want to, but I know that the tasks and chores throughout the day—whatever I do when we are apart—are all done because of our relationship. We are both trying to further the goals of our life together.
Prayer is about a relationship.
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Understanding our relationship with God requires work.
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In Matthew 26, Jesus prays a prayer that will not get a positive answer. He prays from the Garden, “Father, take this cup from me.”
It seems obvious that Jesus didn’t get what he prayed for. As almost a cruel joke, he still died on the cross and was betrayed and denied by his closest friends. Jesus was the most (only) righteous person who ever lived—righteousness itself—and he still asked for something he didn’t get. But this doesn’t mean that his prayer wasn’t powerful and effective. Jesus’s prayer didn’t simply vanish into thin air. All prayers, especially candid ones, mean that we’re turning towards God and trusting him. Honest communication with God is never ‘ineffective’ because God hears it and what ultimately matters is that we recognize that God is not only in control, but that God is trustworthy. God wants a relationship with us.
So prayer isn’t a transaction or a means to a tangible outcome, though it often provides that outcome we desire. Prayer isn’t meant as a vehicle for obtaining our expected “best life.” Prayer is more than simply expressing heavy thoughts or regular complaints. Prayer is a core activity in an intimate and strong relationship with God. That strengthening relationship is what we wanted all along. It grows when the answer to our prayers is yes, no, or even not now. That relationship is the prize above all prizes. Let us pray.